Monthly Archives: August 2014

The Challenge of Making Friends with Fear – Part I

Much of my commitment here is to document what I’m going through on the journey. There are times when I feel on top of the world and have incredible faith that I’m on the right path. Then there are times when I am scared and feel lost. I’ve been writing about the difference of pushing through and listening to our fears.

If it’s not obvious from these writings, my fear of not being able to support myself has been up a lot lately. This means I’m trying to figure out the practical considerations of paying my bills while moving forward to creating a life I love. As I look at finding employment to carry me through until I can build enough momentum as a writer and get some speaking gigs, I feel incredibly discouraged.

I’ve been having a hard time seeing any jobs that feel like they allow me to stay in integrity with living my dream. There’s also my suspicion that if I didn’t have needing to support myself as a motivation, I’d give this up completely and go unconscious again. Quite simply getting a “day job” feels like giving up.

The undercurrent that runs so strong in this process is my fear. This isn’t the kind of “feel the fear and do it anyway” stuff but the root survival anxiety. You see, I am doing it anyway, insofar as continuing to develop my website, building a Facebook community, writing and submitting articles. Yet there is this pesky discomfort keeping me awake at night and making it hard to take a deep breath some days.

Funny thing is, I am so good at giving other people advice but I often forget to follow it myself. Twice in the last week or so I’ve had friends who were struggling with difficult feelings. Both times I recommend they take some time to put their hand on their heart and talk to the part of them that feels that way.

We spend so much of our energy pushing away “bad” feelings that we forget: what we resist persists. The simple practice of stopping and making friends with our feelings doesn’t occur to us, especially when what we’re feeling is so uncomfortable. If I don’t want to feel it then I certainly don’t want to put any attention there.

Although I deeply believe that what we focus and put our attention on is what we create in our lives, I’m also convinced it’s necessary to acknowledge and listen to our feelings. This doesn’t mean getting stuck in them, but it does mean honoring them. They are here to give us a message and will usually stick around until we hear it.

I remember a time in my life where I had heartbreak over a relationship that didn’t work out. Whenever I would start to feel sad, I’d stop myself and mentally tell myself “choose a better feeling thought”. After a week or two of trying to do this (mostly unsuccessfully), I realized that I wasn’t honoring my grief. Yes, choosing a better feeling thought is a very important practice, but so is sitting with what we are feeling.

Since I’m aware of how sometimes I just skim writings because I’m too busy to read the entire article, I’ll write more about this later. The conclusion of this conversation touches on an interesting paradox between honoring parts of ourselves and having a non-dualistic philosophy. I look forward to continuing the dialogue …

Finding Balance

I wrote the other day about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. In that blog I also touched on the difference between pushing past fear versus listening to fear. The question in my YouTube video, asking how balancing our fear and faith plays out in our day to day life, is a good one. I am certainly living the answer.

I am realizing that although I have strong faith and belief in the Universe supporting me as I move in the direction of my dreams, there is an underlying doubt present that keeps me in fear. I am aware enough to know that where we focus our conscious energy is only a part of the picture. Our unconscious beliefs are extremely powerful and, if left unattended, can result in self-sabotage.

I suspect I am not alone in having a subconscious belief system of lack and limitation. Although my conscious mind believes in abundance and prosperity, the instant manifestation of such in my life is a bit slower in coming forth. Most likely this is partially due to seeds planted when I was young of which I’m not even fully aware.

It’s similar to what many of the spiritual teachers talk about when they say that simply repeating affirmations won’t work. We have to involve our emotions in the feeling level. I can consciously state I am an overnight success as as speaker and writer, but if my unconscious doesn’t believe it … well, it’s just not going to happen.

So, my point in all this is while I’m living the balance, I am realizing that until I am able to weed out all of my limiting beliefs, I may need to go ahead and get at least a part time job to pay the bills. I’ve been fighting this because accepting a job doing anything other than what I want to do to create a life I love feels like giving up. It’s taking a bit of reframe to realize, however, that if I don’t do this, then I am potentially setting myself up for a larger failure.

Stay tuned as I continue to delve deeply into where I’m limiting myself, uncover and uproot those beliefs, and learn to change them.

Feel the Fear … and Do It Anyway

August 25, 2014

I really get now what some of the other leading edge spiritual advocates have been talking about when they say to feel the fear and do it anyway … especially when it comes to following our dreams. And it really is a different kind of fear they are talking about pushing past. It continues to come up for me pretty full force as I wonder how I can support myself creating a life I love.

So, I’m feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I have to keep reminding myself that it isn’t my job to “figure out” how I am going to pay the bills, but to let the Universe answer this question. This is the most difficult balance I think I’ve ever had to live.

I love the story of the man who prayed to win the lottery and finally one day God answers “buy a lottery ticket!” I know it’s important to take action but I also know the impetus for that action must come from a place of inspiration and not fear. And here I’m talking about a different kind of fear and action altogether.

There is the fear that if we step out of our comfort zones we might fail or be rejected. Posting my youtube video, creating this website, and starting up a Facebook Page are all examples of pushing past that kind of fear and taking action. This is the kind of fear and action I believe I’ve been reading and hearing about.

The other kind of fear and action is like when I’m tempted to frantically look at the job board sites because I start feeling afraid I won’t be able to support myself as a spiritual advocate and student. There is nothing wrong with my looking at the job board sites, however if I’m approaching it from that kind of fear, then I’m acting more from lack of faith and belief in scarcity than the full trust and knowledge of my oneness with abundance.

So, I’m waiting for inspiration and following it when it comes. I’m learning to take action that feels divinely guided (like when I applied for a Retreat Center Director job last week). I’m staying open to possibilities and listening for the impulse of Spirit. Mostly I’m staying true to my journey of remaining awake, sharing the journey, and trusting all the support I need is already here.