Changing Seasons

The fall equinox passes and the next day the end of summer is fully reflected by the chill in the air. For me, it seemed as if things changed over night. All of a sudden those warm lazy days are gone.

It’s hard to believe there was a time I said Fall was my favorite season. In retrospect I think it’s because I lumped it in with Spring, since both seasons have temperatures between 60 and 80. Granted that’s a pretty large window, but essentially it’s that perfect “not too hot” and “not too cold” period of time.

This year I feel unprepared and nostalgic at summers end. The time went too quickly and there is so much I had intended to do which is left undone. My ideas for a beach trip or lazy tube trip down the mountain river never materialized.

Ironic I should be asking where the time went when I had more of it than most people. One would think that being unemployed half of July and all of August would mean I had nothing but time. I did not, however, find that to be the case.

Sometimes it is only when something is taken away that we fully realize what we had and wish we had it back. There were days I never left the house. Rather than playing and enjoying what equated to paid time off while on severance pay, I stressed and worried about the future.

Now that I am working part-time and able to pay the bills, I am less stressed out and worried. However, I am also more tired and have less time. It’s by choice so this isn’t a complaint, just an observation.

I’m also observing how really fortunate I have been in many of my previous employment jobs. I confess I had 8 years working for the State and was one of those state workers who didn’t really work very hard. Nor in the seven years afterwards did I put in the long hours that most successful sales people employ. Quite frankly, I’ve had a pretty cushy work life.

Perhaps I’m making up for that now with the work I’ve chosen to do in my part time gig cleaning and acting as a Personal Assistant. However, what I am really experiencing is an increased awareness of how everything has both benefits and costs. There are always upsides and downsides to what we do.

All this makes me think even more about what it means to be creating a life I love. Even as I come off spiritual bypass, I am reminded that there is a lot of truth to how our attitude and framing of events influences our experience. And so I am thinking of what this means for my present experience as well as for my future.

Summer is over. As we get older, time moves faster. As with so much in life, we can choose to stay stuck in wanting things to be different, or we can accept things as they are and move on. First, however, I will allow myself to feel the sadness and linger just a little longer in that wishful thinking for the hot sun beating down and cool waves lapping at my feet …