August 24, 2014
Fear and Doubt
I was up until the wee hours of the morning getting my rudimentary website up and functional. Awakened early by my cat, I found I couldn’t fall back asleep so began working again on my site and finalizing my youtube presentation. I’ve had two intense conversations with friends where I’ve broken down and cried, and now I’m sitting here exhausted with tears streaming down my face.
I don’t know how to get from here to there. The leap was sort of made for me when my company eliminated my position and more or less pushed me off the cliff. My choice has been to reframe that experience into this journey of creating a life I love. But I won’t deny the whistling of the air on my descent really scares the heck out of me.
I’m waiting for my parachute. I could read what color it is for a career direction, but I think I did realize that underneath what I perceived as an inability to have a dream, there was one. And it is to be of service to others: as an inspiration and demonstration of love in action.
So, I sit here on the day of my semi-launch of putting myself out here in the public eye, half sobbing and half laughing at myself. I know these tears are a part of the progress and I know I’m right where I need to be. I find humor in the way the Universe wears down my defenses so my feelings can come up and through.
This journey is bringing up all the ways I feel inadequate and unworthy. So I am here being real and authentic with my feelings and holding them with compassion while staying committed to remembering the TRUTH of who I AM.